[Subtitles by danielsangeo]
[turret beeping]
This thing is still beeping.
[turret beeping]
It won't stop. The others stopped.
[turret beeping]
That doesn't bother so much as the fact
[turret beeping]
that it sprays automatic gunfire at me
[turret beeping]
when it beeps.
[turret beeping]
I can't live with that.
[turret beeping]
Like, literally.
[turret beeping]
I don't know, maybe I can outrun it.
[turret beeping]
I'm a track star.
[turret beeping]
I'm amazing.
[turret beeping]
I'm gonna do it.
And you can't chase me because
you don't have any legs!
At least, I don't think it does.
No, that would require
gyroscopes
and it would look more
like the Terminator, or something.
Which would be sweet, but I
don't want that after me.
That answers that question.
Why does everyone here insist on
doing things the hard way?
They should be doing things my way.
Okay, fine! We'll do it your way!
There! Are you happy now?!
Y'know, some people just create
their own problems.
I've never had any military training
so I don't know the correct
procedure for these things.
But, if I saw my buddy run
around the corner then get shot,
then I saw my next buddy run around
the same corner and get shot,
I don't think I'd run around
that same corner.
But, I use discretion. You're not allowed
to have that in the military.
God dammit, it's like, what's the point
of being an honest citizen
if I'm going to get shot at anyway?
You fell for that trick again!
I guess you guys are
learn-from-experience types.
Though, that only gets you so far.
I bet you guys suck as chess.
Just keep doing the same thing
until you're all dead.
You could never do my job.
Man, if I get indicted once I leave here,
this is getting harder
and harder to explain.
I don't think anyone's going to buy
a few dozen counts of self-defense
I think there's kind of an
unspoken rule in our society
that if this many people are trying
to kill you, you're supposed to be dead.
I need to talk to an attorney.
Maybe there's some sort of Rambo clause.
But, wait, Rambo goes to prison
after the first movie.
Um, I'm not jumping this.
Why are the controls on and off?
They should be up and d--
oh, there it goes.
Okay, so do I just hit it real quick?
Well, there's only one button.
All right, one, two, three--GO!
This is the complete opposite of
handicapped-accessible.
Wait, what's with all these lasers?
Okay, you I know what to do with.
Well, that's one problem solved.
Okay, let's try this again.
I don't know what the
hell I'm talking about.
Nothing good ever happens with
lasers around here.
So, I'm just gonna not deal with that.
That's my favorite
solution to any problem.
It's like the classic debate of why
measuring the position of an electron
changes its momentum and vice versa.
The only correct answer is to
get drunk and set fire to things.
These are like squeak toys from hell.
Actually, if it wasn't for that
shockwave thing they do,
they could be useful for a new sport.
We could just get a stadium, then release
a dozen of them out onto the field,
then get a bunch soccer players to run
out there and kick them all to death.
The team that kills the most wins.
Ah-ha! "Power Generator".
Hm, I guess we would need an odd number
of them to reduce the number of draws.
But there's always the problem of
what if two opposing teams kill
one at the same time?
You know, what might work better
is to kill them first,
then kick their bodies into the field
goals and count THOSE as the points.
And if you kick it too early and one's
still alive, then that's a penalty point.
Yeah, this has potential.
I'm going to stop by the patent
office once I get out of here.
Okay, electricity. Kind of scary...
Yeah, whether it's particle or a
wave doesn't really matter.
Well, this looks like the place.
Y'know, if I'd have known
this thing was broken,
I could've saved myself the trouble
of killing all those people.
Well, at least I'm okay. That's
all history needs to remember.
Still, this is ridiculous.
The soldiers should be fixing
the generator, not me.
I'm doing their job, again!
First, I'm killing everyone for
them, now I'm playing engineer.
You don't even have a job!
You're a vagrant.
This place reminds me of the basement of
my old apartment that got flooded b--
...got flooded because I did a
cannonball to the bathtub...
..caused it to collapse into the floor...
Alright, it's moving.
Mission accomplished.
If any of these worms get in my
hair, I swear to God,
I'm just going to freak out.
Yeah, worms get in my hair, the power
fails, and all the lights go out.
Then some old guy with a raspy
voice starts laughing
and poking me with a stick.
That would complete the experience.
Why was all this water down here anyway?
I'm in the middle of
the desert in New Mexico.
Does that mean I'm below the water table?
If so, good God!
How deep am I right now?
Okay, I'm going to give this
one more shot, then...
I don't now what I'm going to do.
Work, you antiquated piece of crap.
Now I can power up the train and
leave like--what was that?
That must be a fuckton of
voltage to jump like that.
Yeah, I can't say wearing a suit
covered in plate metal
inspires confidence if that had hit me.
I mean, Jesus, most people
hit by lightning survive,
but that's because they're wearing rubber
shoes and you can see where it exits.
But, if that hit me right now,
the current would roll around in my
body and exit through the top.
My head would blow up like a
baked potato wrapped in tinfoil.
It would pop off like a Pez container.
I think I need to go the other way.
Actually, if it wasn't me, it would be
cool to watch if you got that on film.
Their hair might catch on fire and it
might look like that scene from Scanners,
except this would be the real thing.
Then you could sell it as a snuff film
and make a bundle of money.
Yeah, I should've known better.
I fixed the generator.
Maybe now they need to come in and break it.
Uh oh! Everything's working fine!
Better call in the military!
Hey, there's less lasers now.
Holy shit! These were tripmines!
Well, glad I didn't touch them.
How am I going to get back up?
I brush with Death so often,
I should start giving him
high-fives when I pass.